I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
