Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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