clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
