How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
