Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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