I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
