Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
All I want is dick and wine.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
