tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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