that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
