Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
