I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
