You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
