I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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