Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
