I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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