i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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