the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
