Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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