we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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