love makes seman taste better
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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