so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
