I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm sobbing to NWA
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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