shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
