I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
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Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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