Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
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Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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