But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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