It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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