It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
