Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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