Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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