im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
