it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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