My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
