I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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