I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
