id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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