Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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