How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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