I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
