Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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