in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
