I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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