Swine flu. Run for my life!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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