my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
