I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
