smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
