i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
