it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize