If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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