were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You were trust falling into bushes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
