I am in a vortex of obligation.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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