i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
