the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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