There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
