just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
