her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
