She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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