Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
