i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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