do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
