We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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