I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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