Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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