I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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