And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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