My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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