The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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