i just sent this text using only my big toe
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
