He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
