Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
