just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
