evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
